On Elections

The way I see it... ya gotta go for the guy you think's gonna screw you the least. That's why I always cast my ballot for pancakes.

On Sabbaticals

Sometimes folks like you more when you go away for a little while.

On Fine Dining

I just don't understand Sushi. It's fish. But it costs more. And it's not even COOKED. Why don't you just bring a stringer full of perch up to one of them 5-star restaurants?

Cuz people'd look at ya funny, that's why.

On Career Choices

If I had it to do all over again, I think I'd like to be one of them animal doctors. And I'd probably study taxidermy too. You know, just in case.

On Footwear

Pointy shoes don't make sense. Feet aren't pointy. And if you're feet hurt, you're gonna get pissy. It's as simple as that.

On Conversation

Seems to me, most people aren't dumb. The really stupid ones just like to talk a lot.

On Entertaining

Always put beans on your nachos. Over time, they'll turn an ordinary appetizer into a festive party favor.