Advice from Uncle Wally: January 2006

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

If I had it to do all over again, I think I'd like to be one of them animal doctors. And I'd probably study taxidermy too. You know, just in case.

Pointy shoes don't make sense. Feet aren't pointy. And if you're feet hurt, you're gonna get pissy. It's as simple as that.

Seems to me, most people aren't dumb. The really stupid ones just like to talk a lot.

Always put beans on your nachos. Over time, they'll turn an ordinary appetizer into a festive party favor.

I like nature. There's less noise, and if you're feelin' the urge, you can take a leak just about anywhere.

Try to keep an ugly guy as a friend. That way, when you're feeling crappy, there's always someone around who can make you feel better about yourself.

Strippers are always fun to look at. Unless they're your sister.

A woman that looks good after 2 beers will also look good after 6. The same cannot be said for the reverse.

A driver's license and a hot tub are the two most rewarding things a man can ever hope to possess.

There's nothin' wrong with masturbatin'. Builds character. But every now and then, it's good to leave your jimmy alone for a little while.

Hot dogs may not be all that healthy, but sometimes it's best to choose portability over nutrition.