Advice from Uncle Wally

On Elections

2008-11-03T16:49:00.004-05:00

The way I see it... ya gotta go for the guy you think's gonna screw you the least. That's why I always cast my ballot for pancakes.

On Sabbaticals

2007-03-09T16:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes folks like you more when you go away for a little while.

On Fine Dining

2006-05-16T10:42:00.000-04:00

I just don't understand Sushi. It's fish. But it costs more. And it's not even COOKED. Why don't you just bring a stringer full of perch up to one of them 5-star restaurants?

Cuz people'd look at ya funny, that's why.

On Career Choices

2006-01-25T14:46:00.000-05:00

If I had it to do all over again, I think I'd like to be one of them animal doctors. And I'd probably study taxidermy too. You know, just in case.

On Footwear

2006-01-17T12:01:00.000-05:00

Pointy shoes don't make sense. Feet aren't pointy. And if you're feet hurt, you're gonna get pissy. It's as simple as that.

On Conversation

2006-01-16T14:34:00.000-05:00

Seems to me, most people aren't dumb. The really stupid ones just like to talk a lot.

On Entertaining

2006-01-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

Always put beans on your nachos. Over time, they'll turn an ordinary appetizer into a festive party favor.

On Conservation

2006-01-06T14:06:00.000-05:00

I like nature. There's less noise, and if you're feelin' the urge, you can take a leak just about anywhere.

On Self-Esteem

2006-01-06T13:11:00.000-05:00

Try to keep an ugly guy as a friend. That way, when you're feeling crappy, there's always someone around who can make you feel better about yourself.

On Art Appreciation

2006-01-06T13:03:00.000-05:00

Strippers are always fun to look at. Unless they're your sister.

On Perception

2006-01-06T11:19:00.000-05:00

A woman that looks good after 2 beers will also look good after 6. The same cannot be said for the reverse.

On Love

2006-01-06T10:50:00.000-05:00

A driver's license and a hot tub are the two most rewarding things a man can ever hope to possess.

On Self-Control

2006-01-06T10:47:00.000-05:00

There's nothin' wrong with masturbatin'. Builds character. But every now and then, it's good to leave your jimmy alone for a little while.

On Food

2006-01-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

Hot dogs may not be all that healthy, but sometimes it's best to choose portability over nutrition.